I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize