I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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