closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
