Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
