So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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