my phone needs a breathalizer
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
