the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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