can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
