I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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