Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
