so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
