Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
