i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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