Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
