I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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