THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
