dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
