i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
