Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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