Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
