Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
