I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
