Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
