Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
