I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
