I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
