one word: firstdatebathroomanal
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
