i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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