i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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