I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
