I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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