laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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