I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
