It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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