I'm so fucking centered right now
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
