I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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