dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
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