Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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