I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
