I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
