Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize