The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
