I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
