Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
