The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
