so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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