i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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