fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
It's just like the Real World with babies
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Randomize