i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
