You're my little dorito
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize