This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
