When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
