it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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