my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
