If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
