I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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