if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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