Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
He has the fingertips of a God
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