im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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