If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
