And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
