I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize