apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
