My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
