Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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