Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
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