Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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