Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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