It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
