He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
