Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize