you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize