You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
