i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
