I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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