she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
