Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
