Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
