I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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