i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
