Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
