i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
