Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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