Buhtt sex?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
