i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
