The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize