the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Are we still banned from the library?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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