in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
