totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
