i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
