Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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