I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
