New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
