I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize