haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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