it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
God, I missed his penis.
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