I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
