If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize