Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
