you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
