i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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