just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize