you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
