She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize