i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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