He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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