So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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