I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
