Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I see more hoeing in ur future
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
